I remember the first time someone asked me if I knew what the word assume
meant. I knew it was a trick question, so I responded no. They advised me that
assume has a tendency to make an ASS out of U and ME. It made me laugh and it
also rang true.
We see what we want to see, we hear what we want to hear, and then our brain
for whatever reason fills in the blanks based on our history and stories we have
chosen to make up.
Have you ever been in a relationship with someone and just assumed they should
do something for you because they love you and they should know what you
want? STOP IT! To the best of my knowledge none of us are truly mind readers, no
matter how much we love a person. The issue isn't that they don't love you, the
issue is you are afraid to ask for what you really want. Trust me on this. I spent
most of my life in relationships where most of the conversations were going on in
my head. And then one day, I'd be done and no one was more surprised than the
person I'd been living with.
Have you ever had a disagreement with a friend, spending days ruminating the
conversation in your head, losing sleep, feeling upset and angry? STOP IT! Yes,
you had a disagreement. It takes courage to reach out and ask an open-ended
question — without using the word you. It's safer to have conversations in your
head. The problem with conversations in our head is that your friend doesn't get to
be an active participant. Many friendships have been lost because we make
assumptions about what the other person is thinking and feeling. I don't know
about you; me, my psychic skills are really lacking in this department.
You may have noticed that The Four Agreements aren't really separate; they
intertwine with each other. When our word is impeccable, we don't leave room for
assumptions to fill the silence. We recognize the world isn't revolving around us,
so, we stop taking things personally. And instead of guessing, we ask.
Life becomes easier. Our relationships become deeper. And we stop making an ASS
out of U and ME.
Blessings on your journey,
Rev. Gayle
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