In her book, Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone, Brene Brown writes, “When we are in pain and fear, anger and hate are our go‑to emotions…it’s easier to be pissed‑off than it is to be hurt or scared. Anger is a catalyst. Holding on to it will make us exhausted and sick… Or sometimes anger can mask a far more difficult emotion like grief, regret, or shame, and we need to use it to dig into what we’re really feeling… Courage is forged in pain, but not in all pain. Pain that is denied or ignored becomes fear or hate. Anger that is never transformed becomes resentment and bitterness.”

What if anger is an Inner Alarm System? When we stuff our anger or pretend that nothing is wrong, we are doing a spiritual bypass. I’m not saying you need to yell and scream at people when you’re angry. I am saying, if we start acting like anger is our soul’s alarm bell, then maybe we start digging into the why behind the trigger. The Truth is no one can make you angry. You respond with anger because someone has done something that causes you pain or makes you afraid. And this is where our spiritual growth happens: can you acknowledge your anger, feel your anger and spend time healing the pain or being curious about the fear without involving the person that found the trigger and pressed it?

I wish I could say I was an expert at containing my anger, that I always used all the tools I’ve learned, and that’s just not true. Many times, when I get angry, I still either push it down or explode. One is a festering that eventually will find its outlet and the other is just embarrassing because now I have given my power to the person that pressed the trigger…intentionally, or not.

The tools are available to all of us. I’ll admit they sometimes don’t seem easy to access, especially when the person pushing the trigger is a partner or a member of our family. It is not always easy to remember the person standing before you is a reflection of you. Like you, they have their triggers. Like you they have been hurt and wounded. And maybe, just maybe unlike you they don’t know about the tools.

The hardest thing to do when you’re angry is to take a breath, realize you are at a choice point and maybe respond with grace instead of anger. Instead of making it about you, defuse the situation by being curious – try to find out why this person is saying the things they are saying. If you can’t be curious, don’t respond. Take a moment, look them straight in the eye and tell them you’ll have to get back to them and walk away. Their anger, their hurt, their fear stays with them. Your spiritual practice is to do the work to find out why you were triggered and what needs to be healed within you, so you are less likely to “go off like a firecracker.”

I’m still working on my trigger when I am driving a car. Trust me, I am 80 percent better than I used to be, and I still let other drivers tick me off. The thing is, especially now in my life, they don’t even know I am on the road. They’re in their own bubble, driving too fast or too slow, not using their turn signals, whatever! I’m still working on “why does it make me angry”, “why do I feel my blood pressure rise”. Do I have all the answers? Absolutely not — I said 80 percent not 100 percent. I am a work in progress and that is really important for us all to remember.

If you get angry and blow up, you can’t change the response. You can make amends for “your” behavior and remind yourself this is just a page in a chapter in the book of your life and promise yourself you’ll do better.

Blessings on your journey,
Rev. Gayle

 

I have always loved this quote by Marianne Williamson, "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure" because it speaks to the bravery we need to show up, be vulnerable and live life.

The truth is life is not for the faint of heart and although I had never given much thought to fear being a teacher, when I sit with the concept, it is actually true. Of course, the trick is to pay attention to our fear(s) and use them to propel us forward instead of allowing them to stop us in our tracks.

 

For me, I think I don't always recognize an emotion as fear until I've done something brave and then realize my fear was an opportunity for me to show up differently.

 

I tend to avoid large gatherings when I don't know any of the participants; like networking events. I remember finally having the courage to attend one; my mentor said just be curious, make the conversation about them and they'll remember you. Because truthfully, we all like to be listened to. It worked, I felt more relaxed and able to hold my own. Of course, this happened in February 2020 and I'm still planning my networking event.

 

When we listen to our fear and check in with what the fear is trying to tell us it can be easier to move through whatever is holding you back. When we are on the other side of our fear, we have shifted our consciousness and become clearer about what truly is happening.

 

I'll admit 2026 has not been my most favorite year. If I was asked to paint a picture of my emotional landscape, I'd use a lot of black and red. The black would be the fear, and the red would be the anger. Is it everyday? Good God no; just more than I am used to. And the lesson for me is knowing how to move through both with grace.

 

It is why I love the Science of Mind philosophy. It is not a promise that your life is going to be perfect or that you are never going to have days/weeks/months/years you wished never had happened. What I learned was even in the darkest moments there is a power and presence that is at the core of who you are. It never goes anywhere. Do I forget sometimes that we are connected to this Universal Presence? I absolutely do. And then I remember, sit and be silent. Allow yourself to truly feel what this inner presence is telling you. I find great comfort in knowing I am never alone.

 

Will it always be a bed of roses? Probably not — have you ever fallen on a rose bush? OUCH!

Blessings on your journey,
Rev. Gayle

When I first read The Four Agreements and got to “Always Do Your Best”, I wasn’t convinced that was possible. It sounds like a tall order to some and to others it sounds like a copout.

 

In the book, Don Miguel Ruiz describes doing your best this way: “Under any circumstances, always do your best, no more and no less. But keep in mind that your best is not going to be the same from one moment to the next. When you wake up refreshed and energized in the morning, your best will be better than when you are tired at night. Your best will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick or sober as opposed to drunk.”

 

We are a culture that has been groomed to believe we need to work 12 hours a day (or more), skip our vacations, and worry that that isn’t enough. And yet we aren’t doing our best if we are missing out on our families, our friends, our life. As Arnold Zack wrote to Paul Tsongas in a letter, “No one on his deathbed ever said, ‘I wish I had spent more time on my business.’”

 

When we overdo, we are expending too much energy and if we expend too much energy, we are certainly not doing our best. I remember interviewing for a management job with AT&T on the 70th Floor of the World Trade Center. I was a fish out of water. I’d been living on the East Coast for a year and although I had certainly visited Manhattan, the financial district is its own beast. The man interviewing me told me he expected me to work until 7pm every night. I knew that wasn’t going to work for me, so I mustered the courage to ask him why. I then proceeded to tell him that if and when it was necessary I would work late, however, I was good at managing my time and was quite sure I could complete everything required of me by 5pm. To my surprise and probably his, he hired me.

 

I think doing our best is about having Grace. Ernest Holmes describes Grace as, “Grace is the givingness of Spirit to Its Creation and is not a special law, but a specialized one. In other words, Grace is, but we need to recognize it. It is not something God imposed upon us but is the logical result of the correct acceptance of life and of a correct relationship to the Spirit. We are saved by Grace to the extent that we believe in, accept, and seek to embody, the Law of Good; for the Law of Good is ever a Law of Liberty and never one of limitation. Limitation is not a thing, not an entity, but a belief. Freedom is a Divine Reality.”

 

When we Always Do (Y)Our Best, we are allowing ourselves to experience Grace. Not everything needs to be done now. Not everything is your responsibility. Not everything gets tied up pretty with a bow. Life can be messy and when you do your best during the messiest parts; well, that is true Grace.

Blessings on your journey,
Rev. Gayle

I remember the first time someone asked me if I knew what the word assume

meant. I knew it was a trick question, so I responded no. They advised me that

assume has a tendency to make an ASS out of U and ME. It made me laugh and it

also rang true.

We see what we want to see, we hear what we want to hear, and then our brain

for whatever reason fills in the blanks based on our history and stories we have

chosen to make up.

Have you ever been in a relationship with someone and just assumed they should

do something for you because they love you and they should know what you

want? STOP IT! To the best of my knowledge none of us are truly mind readers, no

matter how much we love a person. The issue isn't that they don't love you, the

issue is you are afraid to ask for what you really want. Trust me on this. I spent

most of my life in relationships where most of the conversations were going on in

my head. And then one day, I'd be done and no one was more surprised than the

person I'd been living with.

Have you ever had a disagreement with a friend, spending days ruminating the

conversation in your head, losing sleep, feeling upset and angry? STOP IT! Yes,

you had a disagreement. It takes courage to reach out and ask an open-ended

question — without using the word you. It's safer to have conversations in your

head. The problem with conversations in our head is that your friend doesn't get to

be an active participant. Many friendships have been lost because we make

assumptions about what the other person is thinking and feeling. I don't know

about you; me, my psychic skills are really lacking in this department.

You may have noticed that The Four Agreements aren't really separate; they

intertwine with each other. When our word is impeccable, we don't leave room for

assumptions to fill the silence. We recognize the world isn't revolving around us,

so, we stop taking things personally. And instead of guessing, we ask.

Life becomes easier. Our relationships become deeper. And we stop making an ASS

out of U and ME.

Blessings on your journey,

Rev. Gayle

"Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering." — Don Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements

I used to think I had a personal relationship with everyone's bad mood. Someone snapped at me in the grocery line, and I carried it home like it was mine to fix. A friend went quiet for a few days, and I ran through a mental list of everything I might have done wrong. I was exhausted before I even got to the real problems of my day, because I'd spent all my energy absorbing everyone else's weather.

Here's what took me embarrassingly long to learn: most of what lands on us was never actually about us.

That coworker who's short with you in the meeting? She might be up half the night with a sick kid. The friend who didn't call back? He might be drowning in something he hasn't told anyone yet. Even the person who says something cruel and pointed, aimed right at your chest — that arrow was forged somewhere else, in some old wound of theirs, long before it ever reached you. You just happened to be standing there.

This doesn't mean people's words don't matter, or that we should shrug off real harm. It means we stop making ourselves the main character in everyone else's story. Each of us is walking around inside our own reality— our own fears, our own history, our own tired, half-healed places — and most of what we say and do comes straight out of those experiences, not out of some careful assessment of who you are.

I think about this every time I catch myself in the act of projecting, too. When I'm irritable, it's rarely about the person in front of me. It's about the meeting that ran long, the bill I'm worried about, the thing I said to someone I love and can't take back. If I'm honest, my stuff leaks out onto other people all the time. So why would I assume theirs doesn't leak out onto me?

There's a strange kind of freedom in this. Not indifference — freedom. When you stop scanning every interaction for evidence of your own worth, you get your energy back. You stop rehearsing conversations at 2 a.m. You stop editing yourself into a smaller, safer version just to avoid someone else's bad day.

So here's what I want you to sit with this week: the next time someone's words sting, pause before you let them in all the way. Ask yourself — is this actually about me, or am I just standing in the path of someone else's storm? You don't have to solve their storm. You don't even have to understand it. You just have to remember it isn't proof of anything about you.

You are not required to carry what belongs to someone else. Set it down. Walk on light. That lightness isn't callousness — it's clarity. And clarity, friends, is a kind of grace.

And here is the video to go with the BLOG: https://youtu.be/-TXpnZC29vE; if closed captions come on please un-click the CC button on the YouTube screen-bottom right.

Blessings on your journey,
Rev. Gayle