"Our Divine nature never deserts us. Like the prodigal son we may wander into far countries of despair, but the Divinity within us ever gently urges us back to the center of our true being; It ever reminds us of Its presence. If we permit It, this spiritual Self will direct our every decision with intelligence and make perfect our way before us." ~Ernest Holmes, Spiritual Awareness
On October 19, 2002, I shifted my life from drug addict and alcoholic to drug-free, alcohol-free, and cigarette-free. It was my personal epiphany. My life changed for the better. I am not saying I didn't have challenges. More than once, my finances were disastrous, and yet I never lost or questioned my faith.
Being a minister during the pandemic had its own opportunities. Carey Nieuwhof, a Christian minister I follow, said at the time that ministry had always had its challenges, but now it was just hell. I still never lost or questioned my faith.
I didn't lose my faith this past year, yet I certainly questioned my beliefs. Does Spiritual Mind Treatment really work? Have I been fooling myself believing in something greater than me? The answers are absolutely and no. The thing I needed to remember is that which I choose to call God never leaves us. We may have moments of doubt or fear or disillusionment, and It stands like a sentry, waiting for us to acknowledge Its presence.
The truth is, life doesn't come with a playbook. I look at a group of friends I have who are all widows. My first thought is that each one is too young. My deeper, more compassionate thought is to honor their perseverance. Each handles her heartbreak with absolute grace, and each carries that grace in her own way. These women, in spite of their loss or maybe because of it, have the audacity to be comfortable. By comfortable, I don't mean complacent. I mean at home in their own skin, at rest in the Presence even when life isn't easy.
Every single one of us is going to face loss sometime in our lives. Grandparents, parents, children, friends, partners, pets—it happens. And that was my biggest fear this year. Was the person I lean on, the one who always has my back, going to be taken away from me? It is not "easy" to watch the person you love go through chemotherapy and gallbladder issues and then prepare for radiation. And yet I have come to the place of knowing I, too, have the audacity to be this comfortable.
How we live our lives through all the ups and downs is a choice. If we let them, they can make us bitter victims. Be like my friends—it's not the cards you're dealt that matter; it's how you play the hand. Like the prodigal son, we may wander, and that sentry is still standing, gently calling us home.
Blessings on your journey,
Rev. Gayle
Rev. Gayle
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